I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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