it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
