Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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