i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
