An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
