Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
