God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Text me some of your sweat
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
