Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
