anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
