Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
