I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
