Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
