My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
