Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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