ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
