but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
