What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
