I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
