dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
