the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
