My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
