You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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