Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
