the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
