you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
pop tarts are not kleenex
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
