Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
