In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
