Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
