Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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