I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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