i love accidental penises.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
