i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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