There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
