Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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