She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
