I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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