Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
