Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
