Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
