maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
