i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
