My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
