Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize