i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
