we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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