tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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