remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
