I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
