I didn't shave. On purpose
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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