dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
