dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
organizing the empties. That sober.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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